A Lesson In Baking
*** An oldie but such a goodie!
I am shaking. Tears are welling up in my eyes because I have had this feeling before, one that you cannot shake. One that makes me think you are on the brink of something good, something so life-changing that you are afraid, you cringe, but you can’t help but press on because you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This same feeling I have had a total of four times. The first three were in the delivery room. You know the feeling when you are about to start pushing, and you clam up and start crying and yell, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore; I want to be done and have it over with!” Then, you push for the last time with all your might and love and everything you have left in you, and you birth this beautiful brand-new baby; and you know that your world has just changed. That is how I feel right now—sitting here, hearing my fingernails type against my keys on my laptop. Whatever it turns out to be, this book is my “fourth” baby. It has been sitting inside me, waiting to be birthed at the right moment. And granted, you cannot make them come, these creative children of yours, but they will let you know in their own time. There will be signs. And finally, today, of all days I am about to bake a double batch of chocolate chip peanut butter cookies; I am overwhelmed with the notion that today is the day! I cried in my kitchen, staring at the wax paper and the one cookie sheet, and asked, “How in the hell am I going to bake 60 cookies on just one pan!?!”
Then, my mother called me, and I knew I couldn’t answer as my voice would break down once again just at the sound of her voice. I knew why I was crying…. I clam up when I have to do the tedious things that make me cringe, but it wasn’t about the cookies; it was about the book. It was about this creative idea in me that was ready to come out. I must do it. You get these “labor pains” throughout the entire process before succumbing to it! The pains can vary from stubbing your toe, accidentally burning yourself, or feeling irritated and agitated. These are all signs that I am avoiding something, something huge that needs my full attention. I knew it was coming for some time, but of course, I can be the ultimate procrastinator, constantly telling myself that I am not good enough… why me? What do I have to talk about? Then, as I burned my thumb on freaking steam….. Yes, steam…..
I found myself saying aloud; enough is enough! I have things to say and lessons from which I hope at least one person can learn.
I have had a myriad of positions ranging from business to business, learning how to run the account from a backend operations standpoint and figuring out what questions the account or customer may ask and why and how to build the business case. I also went driving the truck to deliver potato chips; yep, that was me in the 48-foot truck; wave the next time you see a Frito Lay employee; they work so incredibly hard….. To work at an excellent healthcare company. What do all of these have in common? No, for real? I am asking, what do all these positions have in common? When this idea for the book came into play, I asked myself the same question; and the answer hit me upside the head, Courage, inner strength, and the ability to see yourself for who you are…. Stretch marks and wrinkles and all its glory!
This book, or whatever it turns out to be, is about finding the courage to use your voice in the chaos….. It is fitting during this time of COVID-19 when we are all isolated but may feel the most chaotic we have ever felt. With social media and the news blowing up at every angle, we must find our voice to calm it. Sitting down and just writing is a testimony of strength and courage. That is why I have challenged myself to learn something that I didn’t think I was good at…. Baking!
So, with my measuring spoon and cups properly laid out…. I am ready to go…or so I thought. It turns out I didn’t have enough chocolate chips, or flour (don’t even get me started on that one, as it was scarcity for a couple of weeks), and I didn’t buy the right kind of peanut butter. But, as God as my witness, I will bring light and joy to those around me. Maybe not through their tummies if these cookies turn out bad, but with the sentiment of thinking about them. I am taking the courage to bake something new!