What a Doozie!
We had three children. We were happy, we were almost to that sweet spot of being out of diapers and sleeping in, and the kids were recognizing when they were making a mess so they could clean it up by themselves… almost! We were almost to the stage of everyone was able to wipe their own butts! For those of you who are either in this stage or remember this stage, you know the elation that every parent gets when their last one conquers their own butt-wiping feat! And it is a feat!
We were happy! We were almost able to travel without lugging toys upon toys around. The diaper bag was getting lesser with each day. You know that window or some tunnel, I guess? You see this beautiful ray starting to break its way through the cracks and you reach your hand out and can almost touch it. You know there’s life on the other side if you just keep going!?! Yeah… breathe that in, the sweet spot… that’s where we were!
Then, for some reason, I got a wild hair and came to my husband with big Indian brown eyes and said, “Matthew, my darling dear…. I am not happy. I love our life. I love our family. I love you. But I feel something is missing.” Then I smiled sheepishly.
“Well honey… whatever could it be?”
“I have so much more love to give. I don’t know where to put it.” Then he opened his arms to wrap me in a hug and explained that I could plant it right there! While I love this gesture and it is true, we talked about our options.
“Okay Kenz, if you have so much more love to give, what do you think we should do?”
“Well, we can either get a puppy or a baby!”
Seriously his eyes just went wide, and the word “PUPPY” shot out immediately!
I giggled and agreed. So a couple of months later, a cute little blonde with a puppy in tow showed up on our doorstep… I kid you not! I didn’t even ask or call her Mom when I heard she had puppies for sale. (That is how my life works!) Manifestation at its finest!
I squealed while I peered through my window while she was walking up to our door at the site of this brown and white fluff ball and just about died! We signed for him and received our bundle of fur within a few weeks.
Our family was giddy with pee and poop everywhere. They wanted to sleep with him, and our other dog, Rudie, was less than impressed but is used to our shenanigans by now, so thankfully, we got in line and taught him where to go to the bathroom and what toys were appropriate to chew on.
Then COVID hit, and like many people, was asked to step up to the plate. You can imagine how much stress and strength that takes, and I used all mine up at the clinics. When I got home, I was exhausted. I stripped in the garage and while this was happening, heard the dogs just barking at each other. The energy in the house was super rambunctious, and I felt that I was yelling at them to cool down more than I was talking to Matthew or the other kiddos.
It wasn’t working.
So, I consulted the next best thing for advice other than myself, my husband, and my mother (ha) but an intuitive. I had a reading done by a woman whom I didn’t know but who ended up being one of my really good friends! She started laughing with so much love in her voice and asked if I wanted to have another baby! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! How could she know? DUH, Kenz, she’s intuitive! You knew, and so did she! Keep in mind that I was seeing so many signs for babies all over for the past six months anyways, but I thought it was because I was getting ready to launch my 16-week wraparound program for high-risk pregnancies. (Paving the Way) Shameless plug!
I went to Matthew, and I cried, and he was stunned.
Fast forward three years, and I am writing this with tears in my eyes because I am overwhelmed. Not just with love but with anxiety, sleep deprivation, not having my body to myself, and having a ton of little Indians running all over the place. FOUR, to be exact! Her name is Irani, named after the family who took care of me in the orphanage. We lovingly call her Roozie Doozie, and her name proceeds her! She is 1.5 of something fierce.
She runs around screaming and crying and throwing herself on the floor and is getting into everything and doesn’t sleep and catches every single cold in sight! OH MY GAWD. Its enough to drive you over the edge, and that is what I feel.
I was happy! I had my shit together… for the most part! I had my body back to myself! What the hell was I thinking???? Sure… let’s add another human to the mix… why not? Sure lets add another 2093840398 years worth of diapers, breastfeeding, and sleepless nights! Sure, why not? No, but seriously…. Why?
I feel obligated to write and explain that I am incredibly happy with our choice and would NEVER take it back…. But that goes without saying!
The fourth definitely put us over the edge. She is funny, heartfelt, soft, empathetic, and hard and keeps me in check daily. Our other children, thank goodness, are growing into responsible, again, for the most part, human beings. They are so attentive to her, which I am grateful for. She is obsessed with my mother just as much as I am and steals the phone and runs off every time I talk to her! She flings ice on the floor, screams like a banshee, and sleeps like one too!
So for all you parents out there, I heard this time is fleeting; it goes fast, so hold on to those memories! But I am calling bullsh&* on that too. It’s too much pressure. Because just as much as I will cherish these times, I am almost hoping they are fleeting because they are hard. They break you and also make you! We are trying to figure out what sports our children like, what friends they are making, hell, what friends we are making, all trying to create menus and Instacart orders and keep our children from pulling each other’s hair, going out on date nights, and holding all of our ish together…. At least in public! But newsflash, we don’t! We are over the edge and beyond the brink. It is a Doozie!
There! I said it!
So here’s to YOU, parents of all ages. May your coffee or whatever drink of your choosing be strong, your ears be hard of hearing, and your heart be soft and open!
Cheers!
She is our Roozie, but man oh man, she is a Doozie!